


And Every Night After

by jujubiest



Series: Prayers [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Gen, Pre-Slash, Purgatory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-14
Updated: 2012-10-14
Packaged: 2017-11-16 07:11:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/536851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jujubiest/pseuds/jujubiest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There may be an entire plane of existence between them, but a part of Dean still hopes that Castiel can hear his prayers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And Every Night After

**Author's Note:**

>  I had no intention to continue this. But things happen. Spoilers for 8x02.

"Cas," his voice cracks on the name, but he clears his throat and keeps going, even if he is just talking to his ceiling. On the off chance he's not just talking to his ceiling.

"You sonofabitch, how could you let go? Why didn't you just hold on? We were almost out, Cas. We were almost home."

* * *

"You're always so damn self-sacrificing. What about you, though, huh? What about what's good for you, what about the people that love you and don't want to lose you? Didya ever think of them?"

Dean rolls over onto his side and squeezes his eyes shut. There are no tears, just the scratchy, burning sensation he was always used to before.

"Dammit, Cas," he whispers. "I miss you, man."

* * *

Dean wakes up gasping, choking, fighting his way out of the covers and looking around the dark, empty room with wild eyes. It's just a hotel room. He's alone. He's glad, not for the first time, that he and Sam get separate rooms.

Stumbling a little, he makes his way to the bathroom, fumbling for the light and gripping the counter to remain upright as he stares, blinking, at his own reflection. He knows it was just a dream, but God, it had felt so real.

He lets go, sinks to the bathroom floor, curling against the tiles like a wounded animal. He mouths words into the cold linoleum, voice too choked with unshed tears to give make a sound.

"I let go, Cas. I was the one who let go, not you. God, I'm so sorry. I never wanted to leave you there. I didn't mean to. Please, you gotta know that, Cas, if you're still out there somewhere. You gotta know I would never let go on purpose."

Dean falls asleep curled up on the floor. This time, he doesn't dream.

* * *

Sometimes Dean prays to Cas during the day, too. Mostly in his head. It's just a habit he never quite got rid of, something he doesn't know how to stop doing. A part of him thinks that as long as he prays, Cas will still hear him. To stop would be like admitting that his friend is beyond his reach.

"Cas," he says one night, voice strong and determined, without a trace of tears. "I'm gonna find a way to get you out, you hear me? You hang on, you stubborn little bastard. I'm gonna find a way to get you out."

* * *

In the middle of a dark and endless forest, an angel rests with his back against a gnarled tree, and listens, and smiles.

He's tired. He's afraid and he's alone, and he doesn't know if what Dean promises is possible. He doesn't even know if the voice he hears is real, or just something concocted by his shattered mind, to torture him.

But he has faith.

* * *


End file.
